A Beautiful Beginning-People Watching

Well, I guess I should start by explaining myself.  My name is Jordan.  Plain and simple.  It's spelled like it sounds, it's spelled like it's spelled in the Bible, the country name, and the surname of one of the most influential sports figures of all time.  This is me. But I guess I should keep it short.  I'm not really all that interesting, but I do have random thoughts and things that are probably better left unsaid.  I've never been one to keep my mouth shut, so this is the purpose of my newly restarted blog.

The things that are on my mind tonight come from a few things that I have noticed this evening.  I went to a concert tonight with my brother, Bryan, and his friend, Nate.  The band playing was My Morning Jacket, with the opener being Joshua James.  Both bands blew us away.  It was an absolute party of a show.  It attracted an amazing cultural diversity of human beings.  That's how shows in Salt Lake City's Pioneer Park tend to go.  The beauty of being able to listen to world class bands in the middle of the biggest city for miles and miles, and only have to pay 5 bucks for it is too much for any man, woman, or skid to refuse.  Seriously.  Everyone and their dog appears at these shows.  (p.s. "a skid" equals a delinquent teenager. Also called a chav or ned in Great Britain)

In fact the thing that I'd like to talk about these shows isn't the amazing music that is played at the concerts in the park, but the people that show up.  In fact, last week we went to the same venue, same price, to see Band of Horses.  It was also a solid show.  There was a man standing only about 20 feet from us wearing a big rubber Halloween horse's head over his own dome.  It was seriously one of the stranger things that I've seen. I don't know if he thought he would pick up girls... or attract a fetching filly.  I'm not sure.  (The funny thing is, he had way more persons of the female persuasion around him than any of the rest of us.)  Man, whatever works for you.  Personally I'd rather get trampled by a herd of goats than sweat to death in a nasty mask at a Summer outdoor concert.

Other people of interest at the Band of Horses and My Morning Jacket shows included, shifty-eyed druggies trying to hide what they've got in their pockets from security, several nasty couples mackin' in a SRO crowd, and several billion hipsters.  I've honestly never believed there were so many indie kids in this world, let alone the great state of Utah, but all you have to say is "Band of Horses, 5 dollars" and they crawl out of the wood work. For those of you who may not understand the term "hipster", it is basically someone who believes that every trend started with them.  "Oh, those big framed glasses? I was wearing those before it was cool."
"Oh, skinny jeans? I wore those before anyone else."
"I was listening to Band of Horses way before they were famous."
What do I say to hipsters? Bull!  Those big framed glasses were definitely started by the likes of Albert Einstein, Cary Grant, Colin Firth, Randy Jackson, and definitely Buddy Holly.  If you claim to be cooler than Buddy Holly or Cary Grant you're definitely a hater in my book.  And skinny jeans are nasty gross anyway, why would anybody else want to try to wriggle their way into those things just so they can then peal them off the shrunken flesh of their legs at the end of the day? Trust me, I've tried.  And music is not something you can have the market on.  So what? You introduced a band to all your friends, it's not like your writing their music or managing their tours.  Now that would be impressive.  If I ever met a hipster and he told me, "hey, I'm the song writer for Vampire Weekend."  I would totally give him props.  Heck, I would take the fall-back beanie off my head and put it on his (except he'd probably already be wearing one, so I'd probably just get to keep my hipster hat).  I just don't understand how I'm supposed to respect you just because you "knew" Passion Pit before they started playing the song, Sleepyhead, on the radio.  (Oh dear, I've now turned this into a hipster rant.  I get on those every now and then. Pay no heed.)

There was one more man I'd like to mention. He was standing outside the gates of the show.  He was holding up tickets.  Yes, he was trying to scalp 5 dollar tickets to people that knew that they were only 5 dollar tickets.  I think I said it too loudly when I said to Bryan, "Man, is that guy serious? He has nothing better to do than try to sell discount tickets to an already discounted show?"  Scalpers are some of the most detesting forms of human life on the planet and to stoop so low as to try to make a few extra bucks out of some hipster teenagers is pretty dumb. (though I won't say that I haven't been the beneficiary of one such man with tickets minutes before a show begins.  In desperation I get a sweet deal, and he gets a handful of not-enough-cash-for-those-tickets-you-just-sold-me. (Yeah, it's one really long hyphenated word. deal with it.)(and yes, it is a parenthetical statement within parenthesis. You can deal with that too.))  A scalper is the best friend of a procrastinator, but when you can procrastinate until you walk in the gates of the show to buy your ticket for the same price that everyone got theirs online, the need for a scalping middle-man is obsolete.  Mr. Scalper of 5 dollar tickets, your job is done here. and everywhere. You never have to do that again.  Why?  Because it's totally pointless anyway.  What's your goal? To get a Baconator at the end of the night from Wendy's?  Too bad man, the Baconator meal is definitely 6 dollars and eighty cents, and there's no way in this life, or the next that you will ever sell even one of those five dollar tickets, stained blue from the lining of your denim pockets.  If you ever do sell one, you'll still be a buck eighty short.  Why not just step inside and enjoy the music and the aroma of cheap concert magic that is the Salt Lake Arts Council Twilight Concert Series?

This post is rather stream of consciousness and I'm afraid that is going to be a common thing in these posts.  I will say, the Twilight Concert Series is well worth it if you have nothing better to do on your Summer Thursday nights.  I generally don't have much important to say, but plenty to say about things unimportant.  I hope you will forgive me.  This may end up rather ridiculous if I let it.  Until next time, keep your stick on the ice.